The films listed below are among many I’ve seen. None of them really made me glad or proud to have paid the expense of a ticket. Each film was disappointing in some fashion, whether it be in the way or ways they were executed or just in general principle. Never the less, this is the list of recent movies you should really try to avoid.
The Wicker Man (2006) – Starring Nic Cage (Leaving Las Vegas), this movie is like a bad trip. It’s got witches but no witchcraft. It’s got understandable suspense but no plot. It’s a mess that the filmmakers should be ashamed of. When Nic Cage’s character is caught, you hope to God the witches kill him soon so this horrible attempt at a scary movie ends quickly. For more on this big, stinky pile of crap, read my full Wicker Man review.
The Black Dahlia – Starring Josh Hartnett (Pearl Harbor), Scarlett Johansson (Lost in Translation), and Hilary Swank (Million Dollar Baby), The Black Dahlia is a big waste of money. Not only is it predictable, not only does it feature bland, lifeless characters, but everyone and everything looks, and sounds bleak. It looks like they’re trying to say everyone who’s anyone is sick, depraved, and selfish. While “Bucky” Bleichert (Hartnett) is trying to identify the murder of a woman, desperate to get ahead in the movies, he’s got to tackle such obstacles as a sexy and seductive young woman in Kay Lake (Johansson), the wiles of a tawdry and illusive rich young woman in Madeleine Linscott (Swank). Then, among other things, director Brian De Palma tries to copy some of the same tastes, colors, and nuances of this writer’s other big movie, LA Confidential. Not only does this feel like every other period mystery since Chinatown, but it’s depressing too.
The Covenant – Starring Steve Strait (Sky High), this teen-with-super-powers movie feels like Cruel Intentions and Skulls meet Sky High. It’s contrived. The effects aren’t as great as they looked on the trailers. The screenplay sounds like more like a Lindsay Lohan horror film than something intelligent. If you want to see a freaky film with intelligence and super powers, rent Final Destination. Plus, these vampiritic, mischievous teens are less appealing than Gary Oldman as Count Dracula himself.
Crank – Starring Jason Statham (The Transporter) plays a hit man who has to keep his adrenaline up or he will die. While the concept sounds sort of cool, the way in which the story was executed is crazy and unclear. There is a serious problem with the cameraman. He doesn’t seem to have the ability to hold the camera straight. In effect, much of the action is choppy, bouncing, blurred, and maybe even too fast for the human eye. This has been a problem with most of the other recent action films, but this time it seems the filmmakers hit a new low. Crank is definitely not worth the price of admission.
Gridiron Gang – Starring Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson (Walking Tall), this movie turns out to be more of an idea than a feel-good movie. With the exception of main character John Porter (Johnson), its characters are unsympathetic and uninteresting. After the recent, much more effective, Invincible, this concept feels recycled. Football coach, John Porter tries to teach a group of juvenile delinquents how to work together and play together while also giving them a sense that they’re worth more than they think. If I was going to make a movie of this kind, I would not going about it by showing these players’ crimes. It sort of beats down any hope of empathy. Now if you want to see a film for less money with similar ideas that is actually effective, rent either the original Longest Yard or the most recent Adam Sandler adaptation.
The Last Kiss – Starring Zach Braff (best known for his role on the TV series, Scrubs), The Last Kiss doesn’t exactly deliver the laugh in which previews promise, and the film ultimately becomes dull with the lack of a sense of humor. That is the only reason this otherwise well-made film is on this list. It’s got a nice idea, it’s got some great characters with some fine acting. But, the screenplay starts to feel like the dry stuffing of a gym mat. In beginning, the script shares a few laughs with the audience – whether it is or isn’t executed correcty – and the whole film just seems to become stale toward the end. For drama, this is not bad. But even some of the greatest, most serious dramas in the history of movies had a better sense of humor.
This has been the worst year for Hollywood, with flops pouring out from everywhere and cinema has truly reached a nadir that there are no hopes for its future prospects as there are numerous films, other than the ones mentioned above, that make you thank the almighty that you’re still alive after coming out of theatres. Its much better to tune into cyberflix apk and watch old classics of the bygone era than the travesty that are played out today in the name of cinema.