In many relationships both parties are under the agreement that time and effort must be invested for the purpose of a healthy, functioning arrangement. If such agreement is violated by one member of the relationship then unhappiness is commonly the result. Whether the unhappiness is caused by infidelity or simple neglect, the usual outcome is somebody is unhappy because the interests of that person is not taken into consideration. People demand recognition of their needs, and wants in relationships, and if those needs and wants are not being tended to, accusations of being a bad partner are casted typically in an emotional manner. These accusations are characterized by comments such as, “You don’t pay attention to me”, “You don’t care about what I want”, ” This is a one sided relationship, and I always make time for you and you don’t make time for me.”
“Me”, self interest is a part of love, people in relationships often make it obligatory that attention is directed toward them. Certainly this makes sense people are not in relationships to be ignored. However love does seem to be a form of selfishness that is commonly not even considered as that. Love demands that one member of the relationship makes the other member of the relationship feel special and no one else. A woman cannot tell her boyfriend that ” I will kiss you and be affectionate with you and kiss somebody else to make that person feel just as special as I made you feel.” This simply will not work. Members of relationships usually want exclusivity, involving special treatment that cannot be expressed toward any body else. ” I want you to kiss me and only me.” But why is this so? Why is it not acceptable for people to say “Your being selfish.” Why can”t I kiss other people that I find attractive? ” Imagine how special I would make that person feel.” “Don’t you want other people to feel special too? ” The reply would probably be, ” Yes, but let that person feel special by somebody else.”
Perceiving love in this manner is rather strange, because it is normal,and righteous for exclusivity to be a part of the relationship. Selfishness is commonly not an an issue in the the typical understanding that love is a mutual arrangement of exclusivity. When people honor this exclusivity, it’s certainly not considered as selfishness. If a couple is successful being absolutely committed to each other’s happiness exclusively, they are described as having a praiseworthy relationship. When couples are committed to each other absolutely, rarely does any one say, ” You two are so selfish.” “All you do is make each other happy,and you don’t bring any body else in your relationship to make them feel special too.” Well, unless your into that sort of thing, the preceding comment is hardly uttered, for most people are searching for exclusive treatment as well. Selfishness is not an issue, when it comes to loving someone solely. It’s like the feeling to wanting to skip the games sites and just do whatever you want to do. Love makes us happy and it hurts us sometimes. But most of the time, the reason why we love is because we want to be happy. It is not a form of selfishness because loving someone is caring for that person.
Looking at love from the perspective of self gratification, people are involved in love for personal gain. People do not engage in relationships because they do not wish to be special.There are interests in being in a relationship that must be tended to by both parties. If the interests are not tended to, the agreement called the relationship is either redefined to a platonic status or dissolved completely. Most who are in relationships sometimes resort to altercations to make sure that their interests is as high on the other person’s list of priorities as possible. ” You have to make me feel special or else”, this phrase kind of sums up the underlying self interests found in relationships were one member of the party is not considering the other person’s self interests.
This is only normal, of course people will be unhappy in relationships where their interests are not being tended to, but selfishness is not considered as a
major component of love, possibly because of the traditional model of relationships involving exclusivity. One partner tends to the needs of another partner within the relationship, and no one outside of the relationship in the capacity of exclusively making the other person feel special, and another reason may be sheer jealousy or possessiveness. Love maybe an acceptable form of selfishness, generally because the people who demand for exclusive treatment in relationship see it as only right that are treated with special care by there one and only.